Itchy!

My scalp is so itchy right now.  It's taking all of my power to not put my hands up there and itch it and itch it and itch it.  I've done so well today, I don't want to ruin it, and I just know that if I put my hands up there, I'm going to then start feeling around on my scalp, looking for an interesting spot to 'worry' at, and then next thing you know, I'll have pulled out a bunch of hair.

This whole thing is just so crazy.  Why would somebody want to pull out their hair?  Doesn't it hurt?  Yeah, it hurts, that's kind of the point.  Why would somebody pull their hair out for 24 years straight?  I do.  Obviously I want to, right?  I've been doing it for so long, it's like a part of me.  It defines me.  I actually feel like it's a personality defect or a character defect.  Something so intimately tied to the definition of who I am that it is impossible to change.  Maybe it's not impossible to change, maybe it's possible for me to 'control' it.  That's my plan.  I want to CONCENTRATE on knowing when I do it, and why I do it.  No longer just zoning out and continuing to do it after I have recognized that I am doing it.  I can already tell that it's going to be difficult.  Probably the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life.  If I fail, am I a failure?  Am I weak? Stay tuned to find out.